I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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