How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
