my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
