I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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