We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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