We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
