The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
