im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
