There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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