I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
