So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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