Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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