porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
