smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
MIDGETS
????
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
