Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize