1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
