I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I look better un-naked...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
