I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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