I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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