I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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