3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner