Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson