you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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