Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.

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  (248): My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend. http://tfl.nu/02a8
  Replies (23) Good night (8133) Bad night (837)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.

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  (479): He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/ga3r
  Replies (7) Good night (4160) Bad night (1190)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.

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  (617): Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/pm4h
  Replies (4) Good night (1437) Bad night (3091)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening

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  (604): I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening http://tfl.nu/c0v1
  Replies (44) Good night (1671) Bad night (7105)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Did you get my bra back of the bartender?

  (1+61): View more from

  I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'

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  (+61): Did you get my bra back of the bartender? (1+61): I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile' http://tfl.nu/e0z3
  Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (1486)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.

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  (425): so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork. http://tfl.nu/y2vt
  Replies (0) Good night (1695) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.

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  (513): Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen. http://tfl.nu/spnv
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (1899)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.

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  (847): Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it. http://tfl.nu/tedk
  Replies (4) Good night (1331) Bad night (1372)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?

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  (405): Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night? http://tfl.nu/sl90
  Replies (14) Good night (919) Bad night (1532)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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  (417): Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you. http://tfl.nu/mj9e
  Replies (11) Good night (1088) Bad night (833)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?

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  (785): Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird? http://tfl.nu/9vh0
  Replies (8) Good night (1444) Bad night (670)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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  (828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (1015)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.

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  (386): I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/2e4j
  Replies (8) Good night (1097) Bad night (482)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.

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  (480): He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps. http://tfl.nu/9n8s
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"

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  (607): WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!" http://tfl.nu/33ys
  Replies (5) Good night (444) Bad night (739)

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