i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys