Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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(702): View more from Nevada

the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?

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(301): View more from Maryland

let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.

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(614): View more from Ohio

she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

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(302): View more from Delaware

He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.

(1-504): View more from Louisiana

Oh shit. This is getting real.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure

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