Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this just has baby written all over it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
