we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
