If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
