Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
