You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
