3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
