dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
