what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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