ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
