This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
