Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
