My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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