I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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