I just saw a hot homeless man
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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