There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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