Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
