I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
