okay pat passed out under dana's car
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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