You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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