I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
