its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
