Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
