based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
