I CAN MOONWALK!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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