dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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