the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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