I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
