All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
