My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
