I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
