she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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