i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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