My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
