you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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