Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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