I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
