so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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