Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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