I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
