It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
