i think my mom watched the whole time
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
