Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
