Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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