So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
