Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
