I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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