32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
