I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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