at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
