oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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