last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
