somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
