I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ugly people sure do ruin things
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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