I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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