haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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