end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
