are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
