I feel great
I just peed on a car
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
