just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
